Roller coaster.
As I look back I’ve seen my year fluctuate through happy days and dark days.
Days that make me smile as I look back and days that make me wonder what was I doing.
I’ve seen me be so happy and go so low.
I saw our relationship go down as I read about my insecurities, my confusion..
It’s all my fault.
Everything just bothered me so much..
Sigh, Scary.
I’ve been so selfish.. Looking at my happiness.. Only worrying about my feelings, what happened to this girl?
I just want to save the world, even if that’s kinda impossible, but I’m willing to try and start small.
When the only discouraging thing was that I couldn’t be a superhero and save the world? But I still wouldn’t give up. What happened to that persistent girl that cared so much about people’s happiness? Where that was all she wanted.
I have lost myself, my goals.
My wish finally came true.
I will continue to wish for it, because it means so much to me.
Why is it that I didn’t talk to the one person who could’ve smacked some sense into me?
Someone who’s been with me throughout all of this.
She could have told me better.
She would have gave me more rational advice.
Her words, she’s so right.
I wish I could talk to her in person.
But even now, she is so correct.
I just wished I asked earlier.
I really want to talk to him, but I’m going to put my foot down this time.
Go through with what I said.
Sigh.
This is going to be a rough night.
Thank you to the people who helped me today…
Everyone is telling me that it was a smart choice, except one person. He asked me what was the benefits of this? Nothing to gain.
I told him it hurt.
He didn’t understand.
Maybe I was wrong, maybe this wasn’t right.
Both people were hurt.
Did I make the wrong choice?
I mean it is just a break, right..?
I don’t understand you, this. You said you would like me to be, but you don’t need me to be. I feel as if those two are the same. You say if you took the easy way out, there wouldn’t be anything to fight for. Is this a challenge for you? To get me to convert? Well let me tell you now, you’re only going to lose. The more you want me to, the more I will be against it.
It really makes me sad, that the one person who knew about this left me.
So now, I’ll go about this independently. I just can’t be who you want. Even if I could be what you want, I can’t be what you need. So that enough has been hurting me these past few days, weeks, maybe even months.
I tell him to avoid and pretend because it does wonders.
He doesn’t know what I mean and he doesn’t know how I know.
I know because I pretend I didn’t read any of his posts and I avoid anything relating to her.
By pretending I can play dumb.
By avoiding I can be happy.
But he’ll never understand that.
I just couldn’t tell him to not talk to her or restrict their communication.
So here I am, unfollowing her in hopes that I’ll be happier.
Avoiding signing on to his tumblr so that I won’t have to read anything I won’t want to.
Here I am, hoping it’ll help us.
I miss my best friends.
I’m sad I feel like we’re distancing ourselves.
I’m sad my opinions began to change, but they were wrong.
And for that, I apologize.
